Friday, June 13, 2014


Syllabification: grat·i·tude
Pronunciation: /ˈgratəˌt(y)o͞od
noun The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness: she expressed her gratitude to the committee for their support
Origin late Middle English: from Old French, or from medieval Latin gratitudo, from Latin gratus 'pleasing, thankful'.

Syllabification: grate·ful
Pronunciation: /ˈgrātfəl
adjective 1Feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful: I’m very grateful to you for all your help 1.1 archaic Received or experienced with gratitude; welcome: enjoying the grateful shadeDerivatives
(adverb) There will be a cake sale and donations for this will be gratefully accepted.
gratefulness (noun) I remember it with joy and gratefulness for all the times spent there.
Origin mid 16th century: from obsolete grate 'pleasing, agreeable, thankful' (from Latin gratus) + -ful.

(This is a running, rambling list, coming straight from the heart. I might find myself grateful for the same thing more than once throughout the course of this journey, but I'll try to express the different reasons I am feeling particularly appreciative of each particular instance. The beginning of this list is at the very bottom. Scroll down and work your way up to the most recent expression of gratefulness.)

175 I am grateful for the moments that come after bath time but before bedtime; they are my absolute favorite moments of every day, where I am the happiest version of me, watching my boys explore and play and laugh and laugh and laugh and cuddle and kiss and snuggle and read together and cozy up under the blankets and wait as the lullabies lull them to sleep.
174 I am grateful for living under the same roof as my mom; I never ever thought I'd say this as an adult, but sometimes when you are sick or hurting, you just need your mom; having her upstairs is convenient and comforting.
173 I am grateful for a mom who is a physical therapist; it is amazing how healing her hands can be.
172 I am grateful for rituals; they bring meaning to days that can often feel meaningless.
171 I am grateful for nail polish; it is so silly and simple but seeing color on my fingers just makes me feel young again, brightens my day and makes me smile.
170 I am grateful for watermelon; what a perfect summer treat.
day thirty:

169 I am grateful for my cats; I love them so much.
168 I am grateful for making out with my husband.
167 I am grateful for non-verbal communication.
166 I am grateful for language and for watching my children learn how to speak.
165 I am grateful for my favorite sweater; I wear you almost every day, you keep me warm, you make me feel comfortable, you make me feel like me.
day twenty-nine:

164 I am grateful for having the entire house to myself - to myself! - no one else here but sleeping babies; I want to run around naked drinking wine, dancing & belting Celine Dion.
163 I am grateful for a long hot shower.
162 I am grateful for laughing until I cry until my sides are splitting until I can't tell which are tears and which is saliva.
161 I am grateful for laughing harder than I have ever laughed in my life, thanks to Arlo giving me incredibly intense kisses and Owen cracking up watching; I have never heard that sound come out of my mouth before - it sounded like holiday bells mixed with a waterfall and it was awesome in every sense of the word.
160 I am grateful for falling asleep last night with Tippen curled up next to me (he was the little spoon, of course).
day twenty-eight:

159 I am grateful for CKK6; you feel like butter between my fingers.
158 I am grateful for Tippen jumping up on the bed and then down again with no assistance.
157 I am grateful for a husband who supports me exploring and growing and trying new things.
156 I am grateful for sisters who watch my babies so I can go throw for a couple of hours.
155 I am grateful for finding someone to talk to who truly listens and helps me make positive changes in my life.
day twenty-seven:

154 I am grateful for swinging on the porch swing with my boys' heads on my lap, watching the late afternoon sunlight filter through the blackberries.
153 I am grateful that I do not have to be afraid of suicide bombers or rebels shooting down airplanes over my town.
152 I am grateful for the fact that I've never been in a plane crash.
151 I am grateful for my health.
150 I am grateful for being alive.
day twenty-seven:

149 I am grateful for letting go.
148 I am grateful for alone time.
147 I am grateful for true friends, who you can not talk to for years and then pick up again like the last time you saw them was earlier in the day.
146 I am grateful for mediation, the way it focusing outward energy being wasted on less important things inward, promoting peace and healing.
145 I am grateful for yoga, the way it challenges the mind way more than the body sometimes, engendering patience every time you just stay on the mat and let things unfold.
day twenty-six:

144 I am grateful for a husband who is constantly reminding me that there is a solution to everything, even the hardest things.
143 I am grateful for a husband who takes care of our cat as one of our children.
142 I a grateful for a husband who is also a lover who is also a teacher who is also a best friend.
141 I am grateful for a husband who is as creative in the kitchen as he is with his art.
140 I am grateful for a husband who takes my children on runs in the double stroller and to the park and to the aquarium and to the children's museum.
139 I am grateful for a husband who sits next to me and listens on the bad days and holds me tight and tells me I don't ruin everything I touch.
138 I am grateful for a husband who wakes up and takes care of the kids while I sleep for a couple of hours, helps me with them throughout the morning and early afternoon, works hard until late at night and then comes home and works on his art until the wee hours of the morning before starting it all over again; I don't know where the man who needed to sleep 14 hours a night went, but this super husband is crazily amazing and I don't thank him enough.
day twenty-five:

137 I am grateful for finding inspiration in adversity.
136 I am grateful for my arms and legs; I appreciate them now more than ever and want to strengthen them and use them every way possible.
135 I am grateful for living in a basement; hot damn being cool feels wonderful on a 95-degree day.
134 I am grateful for how my body feels when I eat clean.
133 I am grateful for the opportunity my children are getting to be around their elders; it engenders compassion and respect in a society that seems more and more to ignore the wise entirely.
132 I am grateful for people who wholeheartedly follow their truth; I hope to get their someday, too.
131 I am grateful for people who take their creative ideas and put them into practice and then share their real, tangible creativity with others; creativity is catching.
130 I am grateful for the company of best friends.
129 I am grateful for giving.
128 I am grateful for the way if you take ten seconds to ask how someone's day is going, you'll probably learn a whole lot about them.
127 I am grateful for crafty people.
126 I am grateful for incredibly kind strangers.
day twenty-four:

125 I am grateful for wet sloppy kisses and super tight hugs from my boys.
124 I am grateful for amazing veterinaries.
123 I am grateful for splashing in the pool in my swimsuit.
122 I am grateful that everyone else in my life still has all their limbs.
121 I am grateful that Tippen is still alive.
day twenty-three:

120 I am grateful for three and a half hour naps.
119 I am grateful for the health of all of my friends and family; we are a healthy bunch and I appreciate it so damn much.
118 I am grateful for people who create things that try to make other people happy.
117 I am still so grateful for my the nursing relationship I have with my children.
116 I am grateful for making homemade popsicles with my babes.
115 I am grateful for my ridiculous kitties, our original babies.
day twenty-two:

114 I am incredibly grateful for Arlo asking for milk this morning; my heart just about burst into a million pieces; I was not ready to wean yet and spent every second of our nursing session this morning being present and completely where I needed and wanted to be.
113 I am grateful for black gold; seriously compost is the shiz-nit.
112 I am grateful for all the dozens of comics inspirations that happen every hour of every day in this house and the outlet that is drawing.
111 I am grateful for the very end of a run, that feeling of accomplishment and pride.
110 I am grateful for our old stomping ground and the amazing neighbors and friends who are still looking out for us.
109 I am grateful for a husband who can just hug me and make everything seem better.
108 I am grateful for little boys who eagerly help me re-pot plants and water the garden.
107 I am grateful for morning meditation; my oh my how it sets the day.
106 I am grateful for listening to your intuition and realizing you have known the answers all along.
105 I am grateful for every second of every time I get to nurse my boys.
day twenty-one:

104 I am grateful for my body; every single part of it.
103 I am grateful for weaning.
102 I am grateful for 18 and a half months of nursing my boys; I never ever ever imagined we would make it this far; I cherished every moment and will never forget being physically connected with them.
101 I am grateful for a roof over my head.
100 I am grateful for tomato plants; and peppers and beans and melons and cucumbers.
99 I am grateful for naked frisbee.
98 I am grateful for watching my kids devour watermelon and enjoy every last bite down through the white of the rind.
day twenty:

97 I am grateful for yoga and the way it helps me focus on the moment; I love just breathing and focusing on the task at hand.
96 I am grateful for a clean house and bills paid.
95 I am grateful for a squeeze on the shoulder from my husband while I'm meditating; it was a birthing technique we started practicing about half way through my pregnancy designed to train me to relax during labor when he touched my shoulders a certain way - after all this time it still helps my breath deepen and my pulse drop and my mind clear.
94 I am grateful for children who help me put dirty laundry in the hamper and clean clothes in the dryer and then help take it out when it's done; and who pick up their toys and books and put them away when asked; and who follow me around holding the cord to the vacuum cleaner every step of the entire house.
93 I am grateful for toddlers who do Downward Facing Dog and Child's Pose and Happy Baby without me even needing to show them how.
day nineteen:

92 I am grateful (albeit jealous) for the language my boys are creating with each other.
91 I am grateful for capes.
90 I am grateful for nectarines.
89 I am grateful for people who truly listen.
88 I am grateful for new readers.
day eighteen:

87 I am grateful for servers who just get it.
86 I am grateful for rainy day walks.
85 I am grateful for someone painting your nails bright colors with fun designs.
84 I am grateful for phenomenal friends.
83 I am grateful for drunch.
day seventeen:

82 I am grateful for gratitude, because it just might have changed my life.
81 I am grateful for Arlo - that he exists; that he is alive; for the way his body twitches in the moments between wakefulness and sleep; for the way he fights slumber with impressive determination but then suddenly decides to surrender and just. lets. go. his limbs limp, a rag doll abruptly abandoned mid-play for something better as he succumbs to the universe; for his deep, raw, course, vulgar laugh that sometimes almost makes you blush; for his compact little body, all motion and conviction; for his steadfastness and certitude, all pluck and scrap until you think you can't handle it a second longer and then suddenly you're knocked off your feet under a deluge of compassion as he smothers you with affection; for the way his big blue eyes make you feel exactly like a wave somewhere out in that vast blue ocean, like you're a part of something so much bigger than yourself, and you have to stop whatever you're doing at that exact moment to pick him up and hold him close because it's just too much.
80 I am grateful for Owen - that he exists; that he is alive; for the way he exhales deeply soon after falling asleep; for the way he grasps my index finger like he's never letting go; for his pure raw emotions, never hiding who he is or how he feels because that's just what he does; for his laughter that shatters into a million little pieces of light that scatter across the horizon like sunrise, giving meaning to the whole damn sky; for his curiosity and the glimmer he gets in his eye when he is about to do something he knows he shouldn't; for his eternal smile and boundless love; for his birth, our birth; for his resilience, our resilience; for never questioning his existence (like I do every minute of every hour of every day), truly immersed in the now is all there is; for his unwavering faith in my ability to be his mother (even when I don't deserve it); for the way, even though most of the time I feel my heart fall crooked when I think about all the things I could have done better, when he looks at me with those big brown eyes it's like falling into warm honey and I'm stuck exactly where I'm supposed to be.
day sixteen:

79 I am grateful for rediscovering pictures of myself pregnant 34 weeks and 4 days with my twins; I have never been so sure of my purpose on this earth, never so in the moment, never so proud and in awe of my beautiful body, never so full of faith in the universe, never so happy in my entire life.
78 I am grateful for strawberries at the farmers market these days; holy moly are they good!
77 I am grateful for thirty day fitness challenges; very effective motivator.
76 I am grateful for Tillamook Oregon Blueberry ice cream served with crushed graham crackers and Washington blueberries; you better believe I'm enjoying every bite.
day fifteen:

75 I am grateful for seeing Arlo gently help Owen climb up next to him on a lawn chair and then give him the sweetest hug.
74 I am grateful for employees at internet conglomerates who are not complete a-holes even at the end of a 58 minute phone conversation.
73 I am grateful for faces smeared with blueberry juice and hummus.
72 I am grateful for this new stage where the boys wave at me and say bye bye when I leave at nap- or bedtime, stay quietly in their bed and fall quickly asleep.
71 I am grateful for toddlers who tell me through signs and babble that they want me to roll out their own yoga mat next to mine so they can do yoga with me.
day fourteen:

70 I am grateful for a meal with no food thrown on the floor.
69 I am grateful for the hilarious babbling going on in our house right now.
68 I am grateful for watching my son draw; even squiggles take concentration.
67 I am grateful for the dreaming that comes with buying a lottery ticket.
day thirteen:

66 I am grateful for watching their eyes get big and round as the babes try Rainier cherries for the very first time (they promptly asked for more).
65 I am grateful for giggling with my boys as they go for their first swing ever on the porch swing.
64 I am grateful for a change in perspective on our housing situation - starting to view all the ridiculousness as endless creative writing and drawing inspiration!
63 I am grateful for kind leasing agents who were super patient with our babies as we toured an apartment complex.
day twelve:

62 I am grateful for fits of pure wholehearted belly-shaking laughter.
61 I am grateful for getting to watch as my boys try new foods for the very first time ever (today it was cantaloupe and they absolutely loved it).
60 I am grateful for naked babies running around the yard playing with water.
59 I am grateful that a candlelit shower can be almost just as relaxing as a candlelit bath.
58 I am grateful for summer.
57 I am grateful for the smell of fresh cut grass and the feeling of accomplishment after mowing a much overgrown lawn.
56 I am grateful for a house with one less person in it, even just for a couple of days.
day eleven:

55 I am grateful for watching my boys walk hand in hand for the very first time, giggling and cracking up every time their fingers touched; my heart just about melted out of my chest!
54 I am grateful for the Cascades.
53 I am grateful for hiking backpacks that help you carry your children to some of the most beautiful places on earth.
52 I am grateful for chocolate chip pancakes.
51 I am grateful for eating out of a bowl I made with my own hands.
day ten:

50 I am grateful for five years of crazy married life with the best friend I've ever had.
49 I am grateful for finding a partner who still makes my heart race and my body tingle just by touching my hand after all this time.
48 I am grateful for walks home in the dark holding hands and eating ice cream bars.
47 I am grateful for a hilarious movie playing right when we got to the movie theater on an impulse decision.
46 I am grateful for kind servers.
45 I am grateful for people who gave us gift certificates to nice restaurants for the boys' birthdays.
44 I am grateful for babysitters.
43 I am grateful for the quantity and quality of writing/comic material that happens hourly in our current living situation.
42 I am grateful for Costco starting to sell Honest Co. diapers & wipes.
41 I am grateful for getting to sleep in until 11.
day nine:

40 I am grateful for freckles.
39 I am grateful for really nice gardening gloves.
38 I am grateful for a huge backyard where my boys can run around and explore while I attack the blackberry invasion.
37 I am grateful for the sun setting after 9pm.
36 I am grateful for picnics in the park on a sunny afternoon.
day eight:

35 I am grateful for water; drinking it, showering in it, swimming in it, soaking in it, watching the sun set over it - I am truly an Aquarius.
34 I am grateful for the people who yelled words of encouragement out their car window as I ran uphill pushing two heavy toddlers in a stroller this afternoon; and for the old man who smiled and told me to keep keeping in shape as I ran with the boys yesterday.
33 I am grateful for American Sign Language and the way it helps me communicate with my children on a deeper level.
32 I am grateful for doing handstands in the grass at the park while my toddlers run around waving sticks and squealing with delight every time an airplane goes by.
31 I am grateful for amazing pediatricians who make my family feel like the most important family in the whole wide world; who have been there since the day they were born; who literally helped save Owen's life (and mine); who carry a picture of my children in her wallet and left our last appointment ever with her as our doctor this morning with tears in her eyes. (We will miss you as our pediatrician, but I haven't shed a tear because I feel deep in my bones that this isn't goodbye - I think we'll see you sooner than I think we think.)

day seven:

30 I am grateful for the way Owen cracks himself up and laughs with his whole damn being.
29 I am grateful for friends & family who donate to a really important cause.
28 I am grateful for comfortable running shoes.
27 I am grateful for double jogging strollers.
day six:

26 I am grateful for bright red toenails.
25 I am grateful for a husband who takes the kids in the morning and lets me sleep for a couple of hours - I would literally be a zombie without this luxury.
24 I am grateful for Baron Baptiste and his words of wisdom and encouragement.
23 I am grateful for white wine.
22 I am grateful for rainy mornings turned sunny afternoons.
day five:

21 I am grateful for peeking in to check on my boys and finding them fast asleep, holding hands.
20 I am grateful that the father of my children is the best damn papa I could ever ask for (Happy Father's Day, mon chéri).
19 I am grateful for the way I feel better when I take my vitamins.
18 I am grateful for bacon (from happy, organic pigs, of course) and everything that can be done with it, but especially BLTs and bacon + bleu mac & cheese.
17 I am grateful for people who come up with fun, creative & motivational ways to get back in shape.
16 I am grateful for the way Arlo's body twitches right after he's fallen asleep.
day four:

15 I am grateful for two beautiful boys who know how to light up a room; who smile with their whole bodies; who dance like nobody is watching when really everybody is; who laugh from their bellies; who run as fast as they can to splash in a puddle; who can spend an hour playing with great-grandpa's walker or a balloon; who eat their weight in blueberries; who give the best, most slobbery kisses; who love deeply & recklessly and with no abandon.
14 I am grateful for that feeling I get on the wheel like I'm finding the shape the clay was always meant to be; for being so engaged with every step of the process that time becomes an illusion; for finding flow and being exactly where I need to be.
13 I am grateful for Liz freaking Duarte.
12 I am grateful for friends who create amazing nonprofits and host wicked fundraisers.
11 I am grateful for spinach dip & ciabatta.
day three:

10 I am grateful for sisters who truly listen and care deeply.
9 I am grateful for chocolate ice cream.
8 I am grateful for kind bus drivers who smile when the doors open and they see little kids waiting to come on board.
7 I am grateful for my crazy cats; even when they knock over the dry cat food dish and the babies dash to stuff as many pieces as humanly possible in their little mouths before I can get to both of them & yes, I am grateful even for Napoleon.
6 I am grateful for blueberries; how much my boys love them & how much time they spend playing/eating with them.
day two:

5 I am grateful for friends who embrace all of me, every last raw fiber of me.
4 I am grateful for access to nutritious, local, life-sustaining food; for the ability not just to feed my children but to teach them to feed themselves; for the time and space and access to resources to allow me to experiment and innovate and create in the kitchen; for the chance to share the food I've prepared with the people I love the most.
3 I am grateful for a roof over my head; one with lush green through the windows, hot water in the pipes and a separate room for my boys.
2 I am grateful for a partner who tells me I am beautiful even when I feel the most profoundly ugly and who loves me even on my darkest days.
1 I am grateful for my two beautiful children; that they are alive and in good health and well on their way in the pursuit of happiness.
day one (Thursday, June 12, 2014):

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