a sunken track.

What ever does one do when one finds oneself stuck in a rut? One wallows in the mud like a pig for a while until one is quite finished feeling sorry for oneself. Then, carefully, one small step at a time, one finds one's footing and climbs on out.

It occasionally happens that two poor souls find themselves trapped in the same deep rut. This usually pertains to two poor married souls and of the types of ruts one can find oneself in, this is by far the more dangerous of the two.

Why so dangerous? You see, while a great deal of time might be wasted wallowing at what once was by oneself, two poor married souls spend twice the time blaming the other for getting them into the mess in the first place, which only digs the rut deeper and the walls steeper.

What ever can they do when stuck in a rut as two? Firstly, both must stop digging and abandon their shovels all together. Secondly, both must stop writhing and fuming and pacing about lest the unstable earth beneath them give way like quicksand. Thirdly, and most importantly, both must kiss each other with their eyes closed. (Sometimes, upon opening their eyes after this last step, if the kiss was especially tender and passionate, both might find themselves out of the rut and far down the road, though this is quite rare.) Next, they must construct together a series of hand- and foot-holds that both can use, separately, on their own and at their own pace to, carefully, one small step at a time, find one's footing and climb on out.

Once the first has crossed the threshold (pay close attention, for this is of utmost importance), one must not let one's excitement carry them too far from the edge of the rut, lest the second lose their way and turn up on the contrary - should this arise the two will undoubtedly part ways for all eternity. Instead, the first must stay near enough to the trodden track to hear the other should they need assistance, and should often peak one's head over the edge to offer words of encouragement.

Upon safe arrival of both parties to the crest, both must kiss each other once again (though this time their eyes may be either open or closed with no adverse effect on the outcome, provided they are far enough from the edge of the opening, of course).

Occasionally, when a rut is especially deep or steep or dark or otherwise precarious, both must construct their own separate paths and ascend independently. In this instance, the aforementioned step pertaining to patience is all the more crucial to the perseverance of both (though the resulting kiss in these rare cases is so resoundingly passionate that it inspires the greatest of composers and poets and scribes to write works so devastatingly moving as to leave everyone wracked with tears and forever changed).

I suppose a wiser way would be to watch carefully where one walks in the first place, though I must admit to never having followed my own advice. If you must know, I'm still down here wallowing in this dank dark place, but surely someday soon enough I'll be quite finished feeling sorry for ourselves and will mindfully make my own way out.

tip: stay cool in the pool.

It has been infernal here in beautiful Pacific Northwest this past week. I know other parts of the country and world suffer much greater heat than this all the time, but 94 in the shade? That's too much for fair-skinned rain-loving Seattlites like myself. Don't get me wrong, I like sun. My body just wasn't designed to take this much of it.

If I'm feeling faint, I can only imagine what my poor sweaty little boys are feeling. So how have we been managing? By taking the advice of another fellow mama.

We've been staying cool in the pool!

My soul hurt a little bit as we bought the cheap made-in-China pools at the toy store, but I don't know of any well-made baby pools or what type of store would sell them locally. If any of you know where to find one, please let me know!

Needless to say, they are a hit. They are dually amazing in providing fun water exploration activity and a way to stay cool. An added plus is how much they wear the babes out. Every time we have water time the following nap is quite a doozy. We have been doing this daily and probably will continue to do so until the cool weather returns. Thursday is the 4th of July, so when the rain comes back for the fireworks, maybe we'll take a break then! :)

public service announcement.

After spending a few hours at the ER this morning, I find it my duty to strongly recommend you always always wear protective eye gear when weed whacking.

A small piece of gravel was so embedded in my eye they had to spend a good deal of time trying to extract it. They eventually did, but it was not fun.

The worst part: the tetanus booster that makes me feel like I got punched in the arm. The best part: getting my boys matching eye patches. :)

shout out: alki dental.

My dentist called yesterday and asked if I could stay an extra hour after my cleaning this morning to fill a few cavities I've been denying the existence of. I was honestly really excited and I'm not sure if that says more about how awesome my dentist is or how sad an existence my life is right now. It's true I don't get out much these days, but what's more true is how awesome Alki Dental is. (Seriously. Just look at those pictures on that website and tell me they are not awesome.)

I first heard about Dr. Bret Shupak in the Sound Consumer, PCC's monthly magazine for members. He had an ad for his practice somewhere in the back - PCC members get a discount. We were living in West Seattle where they are located, were both PCC members, were in the market for a dentist and certainly could use a discount. He had a holistic approach, which I had never heard of in the dentist world, and that intrigued me. Quite frankly up until that point I hated dentists and anything related to teeth, and hadn't been in for a cleaning since before moving to France; it had probably been eight years.

Boy, were we in for a pleasant surprise.

It turns out we already knew Bret. He knew my husband because he regularly went in to the store where he worked to do his grocery shopping and I knew him because he regularly came to my deli in West Seattle for lunch. We had already had many conversations and he was one of my favorite customers; my husband also. He quickly became my favorite dentist. Ever.

I don't think it's very often that a dental assistant has to stop cleaning your teeth because you are laughing so hard about some story she's telling you about her sons that it makes having medical instruments in your mouth slightly dangerous - no laughing gas involved, I promise. Nor do I think it's very often that your husband regularly runs into your dentist on a walk in your favorite park. Nor do I think it's very often that a dentist's office sends you a text wishing you a happy birthday. (Let's be honest - how many of your friends even actually send you a birthday text these days?) Nor do I think it is very often that a dentist sings along (extremely loudly and proudly) to Regina Spektor while filling your cavity. Nor is it very often you enjoy the company of every single person in your dentist's office. (Nor is it very often your dentist looks like Bret. I haven't met anyone oozing so much European energy since moving back to the States, I swear.)

These people are magic.

I had five (small!!! Hey - I have two other humans to take care of! My teeth have been a little neglected!) cavities taken care of this morning and it was fantastic. Bret uses this crazy & fabulous numbing technique where instead of numbing your entire mouth he just targets the exact tooth he will be working on. I am not a fan of needles, but honestly did not once feel whatever he was doing in there to numb me. Not once. At the end of the appointment I could actually move my tongue and mouth enough to thank him and smile. No drooling like one of my babies!

Bret is also an artist and he makes the most psychedelic pieces that cover the ceiling lights right above your chair. They are genius! Why has no dentist (or doctor for that matter) ever thought of this before?! I could stare at those things for hours. The music is always something that I like, not elevator music, and hearing Bret sing along is guaranteed to put a smile on your face.

Plus they make me feel like a human being. I've always kind of felt like going to the dentist was an evil cross between doing your taxes and going to the mechanic. It's one of those unavoidable duties of being an adult; it involves things you've never even heard of; any explanation appears for all intents and purposes to be in another language; and then when all is said and done you owe so much money that it makes you blush a little. Then there's the scary tools and all that pain.

Alki Dental makes me feel like some hip European accountant in organic designer jeans is doing my taxes for me, calling me by my first name, and when I end up with a huge return in the end I'm blushing a little for other reasons. Like I said, they are magic.

There are still scary-looking tools, but today as Bret and his assistant were speaking in their beautiful dental language above my open mouth, he made those scary tools look like musical instruments, not instruments of pain. I wasn't scared, nervous, anxious or uncomfortable for even a second of the whole two and a half hour ordeal.

Looking up at those crazy psychedelic lights as they fixed my pearly whites, I smiled behind my dental dam and vowed to share the glory of a pain-free fear-free dental experience with all of you. Bret & Alki certainly deserve a shout-out. If you're searching for a dentist, or even if you're not, check them out. They are all amazing, real, local people!

tip: sit baby up.

Sometime around four to eight months babies start to want to sit up. They discover life from a whole new perspective than the one they've had on their backs or during tummy time. It is new and exciting and they want more.

My babes were at the point last week where they were so excited about sitting up that they no longer wanted to be laying down. No more time on the fun blanket, no more tummy time, no more bicycles or rolling races. Nuh uh. They wanted to be seated. I am more than willing to oblige; helping them sit is a very amusing albeit stressful job - I am still waiting for the first inevitable head bonk - but I am only one person. I can only give my attention to one wobbly baby trying to sit up at a time. Whoever I was helping was having a blast. Whoever was left laying next to us watching was not too happy about being left out. I needed a solution.

I have heard about special chairs designed to help a baby sit up, but I know this phase will only last a few weeks at most and buying more baby stuff seems excessive.

And then a dear friend of mine gave me the best freaking tip ever...

Use a nursing pillow!

If you help baby sit up all the time and don't let them fall a little bit, it takes them a long time to figure out that there is a physical consequence to wobbling and that usually results in a big bonk or total face plant. Sitting them in the middle of a nursing pillow reduces the risk of a major head injury, while still letting them fall over and learn about their little body mechanics.

When they start to tip, they will learn to instinctively put their hand out to catch themselves, even if the pillow will do most of the catching for them. Not having the protection of your arms there every time will help them learn to have confidence in themselves.

Of course this should always be done under your supervision. Once baby is sitting up by themselves and able to play freely with something in their hands, it's time to occasionally take the pillow away for practice with their balance, but in the meantime, enjoy having your hands free!

Happy sitting!

maman musing #5.

Don't ever, ever doubt your maman instincts. They are always right.

nursing strike.

All strikes are annoying to whatever persons, companies or parties being destabilized; nursing strikes are absolute hell.

A nursing strike is when baby abruptly starts refusing the breast. Babies very, very rarely wean themselves entirely from breastfeeding before 18-24 months. If your baby has stopped nursing all of a sudden, don't assume they are done with the breast. They are probably just on strike! It means something is wrong for your sweet babe and it is your job as their mama to figure out what that problem is and fix it. It is incredibly frustrating, but with a little patience and determination (ok, a freaking lot of patience and determination!) baby will come back to the breast.

Refusing the breast can be due to a whole host of factors such as :

• illness, especially if a stuffy nose makes it hard for baby to breathe,
• pain (from something like teething, an ear infection, reflux), 
• reaction to vaccines (which could also be localized pain or headaches), 
• hospitalization of mom or baby, 
• excessive stress to mama (you are having a hard time at work, your in-laws are in town, you got in a fight with your partner - baby can sense your mood!), 
• excessive stress to baby (over-stimulation from nursing in public, being held in an uncomfortable position, not knowing how to latch on properly),
• being scared (from a loud noise, interaction with a pet, mama yelling after being bitten, etc),
• a drastic change in a solid nursing schedule,
• a change in the flavor of your breastmilk (if you have eaten something that makes your milk taste unpleasant to baby or started taking some medications),
• a change in your lotion, perfume or soap that makes you smell different to baby,
• not enough milk (reduced supply or a letdown that is too slow after baby latches on)
• too much milk (engorgement or too heavy flow that results in baby coughing and sputtering)

It usually only lasts a few days, but can last up to a few weeks, or very rarely a few months.

It is very important not to force baby back to the breast!!! Baby is having a hard time; nursing is about comfort. They need to be comforted and coaxed back gently. The breast should always stay a safe place.

There are three main steps in resolving a nursing strike:

1. Feed your baby.
• There are a few options here for what to feed baby and how to feed baby. The best choice is always mother's milk freshly expressed, though this can be unrealistic. The next best choice is mother's milk in general. Then donated milk from another mama. Then formula. It doesn't matter what combination of these options baby gets, but make sure baby is getting food! Baby will come back to the breast more easily if they are happy and the problem has been solved, not if they are starved.
• Baby can be fed by bottle, by cup, by spoon, by a supplemental nursing system (SNS), a finger feeder or any combination of the above.
2. Keep your supply up.
• Pump or hand express your milk as often as you would feed your baby. Milk supply is all about demand. Stop the demand and you lose the supply. Lose the supply and baby has nothing to come back to.
3. Seduce your baby.
• Offer baby the breast often. If they refuse, that's ok. Don't push it. Just let baby know it's still there.
• Skin-to-skin as often as possible. This lets baby smell your scent and reminds baby how wonderful you are and how safe they feel with you.
• Wear your baby, preferably wearing little clothing so there is as much skin-to-skin as possible.
• Sleep near or with your baby, preferably with as much skin-to-skin as possible.
• Try a baby-mama honeymoon. Go back to the very beginning when you and baby were just getting to know each other. Spend all day in bed with baby, shirtless, constantly offering baby the breast. Take a bath with baby and let baby just hang out on your chest. You might find baby suckles a little, even if they're not really nursing. This is good! They are getting reacquainted with your breast! Let it happen!
• Try nursing when baby is very sleepy, such as at night, right before falling asleep or just after waking up. 
• Try nursing in a distraction-free environment and in a position where baby feels very stable such as laying down.
• Relax. Try mediation or breathing exercises, taking a walk (wearing baby!), doing some yoga, drinking a cup of chamomile tea, taking a bath. Reduce your stress and baby's stress level will come down, too. 
• Temporarily eliminate foods you might think are making baby upset (either stomach-wise or due to taste).
• Help tempt baby with a little milk. If you're using a nipple shield, fill the tip with milk before hand. Stimulate your breast so letdown happens before baby latches on, leaking milk onto baby's mouth. Cover the nipple with milk. Squeeze milk onto the breast through a syringe while getting baby to latch on. Use an SNS or finger feeder.
• If baby is teething, try rubbing baby's gums or letting them gnaw on a chew toy or something frozen just before nursing to ease the pain.

Contacting a lactation specialist is always a good idea whenever nursing problems come up. Try your local hospital or La Leche League for help finding a good reference.

Usually comfort nursing comes back first, either during sleep or sleepy moments; then just suckling; then occasional low-key nursing sessions; and then finally full-time resuming nursing as it was before the strike.

This is one of the hardest moments a mother can experience - literally being refused by your baby. Don't give up! Don't take it personally! Baby still loves you, I promise! When baby finally does come back to the breast, you will appreciate the connection you have with your little one so much more. 

tip: give baby a spoon.

Sometimes when you're first starting to experiment with solids it's hard to get food into baby's mouth. They want to play with the spoon, they want to play with your hands, they want to make spitting noises. This play is all good for baby's development.

Sometimes, however, you need to get that food in there. We personally want our own babes to both get at least a taste of each food we've prepared at every solid food meal because sometimes it can take ten or twelve tries before baby decides they like or dislike a certain food. If they don't want to eat it after that first taste we don't push it; it's never a good idea to force food on a baby. If baby knows that you're coming at them with a certain offender, though, sometimes you need a trick to get that first bite in there.

An easy fix: give baby a spoon of their own to play with. They have fun, they go to put it in their mouth and you slip in a bite of food along with it. It's minimally invasive and baby will tell you right away if they respond well to it or not. An added plus is the hand-eye coordination it works on, and pretty soon they'll start trying to feed themselves. And it's darn cute to boot!

(This is one of those things, like being in a high chair, that should always be supervised. It's amazing how far a baby can jam one of those tiny spoons in their mouth when you're not looking. We don't want any choking!)

Happy Spooning!

first foods.

There are quite a few fairly easy first foods that babies tend to love and that only take seconds to prepare.

Baby Rice

If you really like the idea of giving baby rice cereal for their first food, making your own is not hard. Boil 1 cup water. Add 1/3 cup rice and bring it back to a boil. Cover, reduce the heat and simmer for 30-40 minutes, until all the water has been absorbed and the rice is very tender. Blend or mash up with a fork, adding breast milk or formula as needed to make a nice, creamy mush.

This should make about 8-10 servings. Freeze in tablespoon-sized chunks (ice trays are great for this) or keep it in a sealed container in the fridge for up to 48 hours, provided no saliva touches it. (When you go to serve more, use a clean spoon. Anything saliva touches should be used up or discarded.)

Banana

Banana is a pretty fail-safe first food. It doesn't need to be cooked and babies tend to love its sweet taste.

Choose a ripe banana, peel it, mash it up with a fork and add breast milk or formula to obtain the desired consistency. Store as directed above.

Avocado

Avocado is a favorite for babies and parents alike! This is one you want to prepare just before serving to avoid discoloration. I've found one average-sized avocado is good for about four to six portions.

Cut off 1/3 of the avocado, peel it, mash it up with a fork and add breast milk or formula to obtain the desired consistency. Keep the rest of the avocado with the pit not yet removed in a plastic bag in the fridge. Keeping the pit in tact keeps the avocado from turning brown. It's possible to store a portion for same-day use, but after about 12 hours it becomes discolored and might not appeal to baby.

introducing solids.

Making your own baby food is incredibly easy. When I used to hear people talk about making their own a decade ago, I used to roll my naive lil' not-a-mama eyes and mutter, "Granola!!!" Baby food from a jar is not the devil. These days it is completely possible to find baby food made with simple, organic ingredients and no or very little preservatives and it's true that you can't get much quicker than opening a jar.

However, homemade baby food takes only a few seconds more to prepare, you know exactly what's in it and where it came from, you can control yourself how it was prepared - meaning you can choose cooking methods that retain more nutrients, you know the food is incredibly fresh and you can control the texture to suit your baby. In the beginning you might be making special little meals for baby, but this is equally fun for you and for them! They are discovering foods for the first time and that exploration is awesome and hilarious!

Later on when their palate is more developed, all you have to do is reserve a little of whatever you're cooking for the rest of the family and mash it up. In that case it might be easier than opening a whole bunch of little jars.

You don't need fancy baby food makers or special food processors. Most of your preparation can be done with a fork. Contrary to popular belief, babies don't need their food to be the purest puree ever. There shouldn't be any lumps big enough that baby can choke, but texture is good. It teaches baby not to become one of those annoying kids who will refuse to eat a yogurt with the tiniest chunk of fruit in it. Steamed, simmered or baked foods require such little attention you will hardly notice the extra effort.

Baby's first food doesn't need to be rice cereal, either. This has become the custom for a few reasons. Firstly, it's very bland and nondescript taste-wise. It's easy to introduce something that doesn't have much of a taste; nothing to complain about or refuse. Secondly, all rice cereal in the States is required to have iron added.

When your baby was in your belly they got all of the iron they needed directly from you through the umbilical cord. Baby was born with huge stores of iron to keep them functioning, but was not making iron on their own yet. Around six months is when baby starts producing iron by themselves, but it is also the the time where they have the lowest level of iron they will probably have in their entire life as the iron store gift from you has almost been used up. Adding iron to rice cereal was a convenient way to make sure baby got a kick start. It was promoted as the perfect first food to ensure baby didn't become too anemic.

As long as you start introducing solid foods around six months and as long as you are getting enough iron in your diet, baby will get all the iron they need from solids and your breastmilk or formula until they start producing it on their own.

Pretty much anything can be a first food for baby, though whole dairy products, foods with gluten (like wheat and barley), berries, citrus fruit and nuts are typically avoided for about the first year to reduce the likelihood of developing allergies. This is because your baby's digestive system isn't fully developed yet. Your intestines are like a giant sieve, and when you are a baby those tiny holes are much bigger, allowing larger pieces through. If certain foods pass through the bigger holes less digested, they can cause the body to react to them later on, causing a food allergy for life. Berries and citrus fruits are avoided because the acidity can upset baby's stomach.

The only things to completely avoid are salt and honey. Absolutely no salt should be added to any of baby's foods. Their kidneys are not developed enough to handle salt, and giving them even a little can cause permanent damage. Honey should be avoided because of the risk of botulism, although if boiled for five minutes it should be sterile enough for consumption (though in my personal opinion no baby under two needs any added sugar).

It is a myth that introducing vegetables before fruits will ensure they like them before getting trapped in a diet of all sweet. Babies like the taste of vegetables; when they are tiny they do have an affinity for sweet foods because breastmilk is sweet, but this does not mean they will never eat veggies, I promise! As their palate grows they will learn to love a variety of flavors. If baby refuses something one day they might love it the next, and vice versa. Keep offering! You might be surprised!

Last but certainly not least, make sure you introduce new foods one at a time, introducing only one new food every three or so days to make sure they don't have any reactions to it. If they do, such as diarrhea, rashes, vomiting, bloating or gas, remove the suspect food from their diet. In a few weeks, introduce it again and see if they react again. Be sure to let your pediatrician know.

It's very helpful to keep a little journal to jot down when you introduced the foods, how you prepared it, any reaction they might have had, and whether they loved or hated it. You only get to introduce a new food to baby once - have fun with it! It is an amazing learning process for everyone!

mastitis.

Mastitis is a bitch. Excuse my French (although I think my husband being French gives me a get-out-of-jail-free card), but this is an infection you really really do not want to get. I was chatting with a fellow new mom a while ago about a recent mastitis scare and at the mere mention of the word she said the exact phrase I had said to my doctor a few months prior as I was being hospitalized for my second infection. She asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1 to 10.

"Oh my god it hurts worse than childbirth!"

Unfortunately for a lot of women this is not an exaggeration. And unfortunately the infection is not completely understood, by doctors and lactation specialists alike. There are certain risk factors, there are certain things you can do to try to avoid infection or to try to rid yourself of the infection at the very first signs, but some people are just more prone to it. You can do everything by the books, follow all the rules and tips and still end up with a nasty case. For those cases, I'm sorry but this information won't be much help. Sometimes you just need a good dose of antibiotics or a stay in the hospital. 

Hopefully it won't come to that for you. After my second infection I vowed to learn everything I could about mastitis, what it is, who gets it and how to best prevent it. I have since had two scares, and following these suggestions (one or all or some combination) has helped me prevent full-blown mastitis requiring antibiotics both times. Hopefully this information can help you prevent it, too.

What is it?

In the simplest of terms, mastitis is an inflammation of the breast.

What causes it?

It is usually caused either by a blockage of milk flow or some kind of infection (most commonly Staphylococcus, or a Staph infection). In the case of infection, it was probably introduced to the breast from baby's mouth through a cracked or damaged nipple and you will probably need antibiotics. This sounds scary but is common; babies pick up a lot of things in hospitals. It probably isn't harming baby, but once it enters your breast it can do serious damage.

Blocked flow can be caused by a whole host of factors, namely:

• failing to completely drain the breast at each feeding (especially once the fatty hind-milk starts flowing), 
• feeding problems (such as a weak suck, a tongue tie, improper latch-on technique, or always using the same position to breastfeed which might only drain one part of the breast),
• restrictions (such as a too-tight bra or top, especially underwire bras; sleeping in a restrictive position or with baby laying on top of you; too-tight straps such as on a really long drive or flight or consistently wearing a baby carrier or diaper bag in the same position)
• damage (from injury, massaging too hard or previous infection/inflammation)

Who is at risk?
Theoretically everyone is at risk, even non-lactating women and sometimes even men (this is very very rare). We're going to focus on the lactation-related kind here. In this case, certain factors can increase your risk, such as:

•  the first few weeks of breastfeeding (most cases occur within the first three months, although it can occur any time during breastfeeding)
• engorgement or oversupply
• changes to breastfeeding schedules (such as going back to work, or increased supply after a tongue tie release, etc)
• being a mother of multiples,
• past history of mastitis,
• a hospital stay (for mom or baby, due to increased exposure to infections),
• too much stress or fatigue

What are the symptoms?
At the very first signs, there is a chance you can avoid a full-blown infection with some home remedies. The signs to look out for are:

• a tender area of the breast that starts to form a lump, 
• it may start out a little painful to the touch but the pain will usually quickly increase and become constant,
• it may be swollen and/or red,
• it may feel hot to the touch,
• it may be painful to breastfeed,
• you may start to feel feverish

Once the infection has progressed to include these symptoms, call your primary care physician immediately (if it is after hours, GO TO THE ER!!! The infection can worsen very quickly and can cause serious and irreversible damage to your breast!):

• fever over 101° F
• chills
• nausea or vomiting
• flu-like aching
• red streaking on the breast towards the nipple

What can I do at home to prevent it?
At the very very first signs of infection:

• Increase your fluid intake to at least a gallon and a half per day, focusing on clear liquids such as herbal teas, 100% fruit juices and Emergen-C or something similar.
• Take your vitamins & herbal supplements, but especially vitamin C, zinc and echinacea. 
• If you have access to herbal tinctures, take immunity boosting ones.
• Homeopathic Phytolacca Decandra 30c - dissolve five pellets under the tongue every two hours from the very first signs of infection until absolutely every symptom is gone.
• Eat as much raw garlic as you can handle.
• Remove as much stress as possible - ask friends & family to take care of food and chores and other children until you are better.
• If possible, bed rest in a dark room with nothing but you & baby. Sleep topless and nurse as often as baby will take the breast. 
• Nurse, nurse, nurse & pump, pump, pump! You are trying to unblock a blockage, and that can only be done by stimulating the milk ejection reflex. 
• Use heat to help with let down before nursing or pumping. Apply a wet hot compress, as hot as you can stand, and insulate with a dry towel to keep the heat in as long as possible. Soaking the affected breast in a hot bath works, too. (Some women find steeping either rosemary, dandelion or fenugreek seed and using the resulting infusion in their compress or as a soak.) Hot showers are very helpful, too, especially when combined with massage.
• Massage your breast continuously before and during nursing or pumping, stroking in the direction of the nipple and making sure to massage all areas of the breast (not just the infected and sore part, although you definitely should concentrate there).
• Use cool compresses as needed between nursing or pumping sessions for the pain.
• Make a warm castor oil compress to draw out the infection. Soak a piece of wool or felt in warmed castor oil and apply directly to the affected area. Cover with something cotton and keep it there for a half an hour to an hour. Wash off the castor oil residue when finished. Do this up to three times a day.
• Take Ibuprofen to help with pain and inflammation. 

If this doesn't help in 24-48 hours (you will know if it hasn't worked and is getting dangerous, call your doctor or go to the ER!!! I am not exaggerating about going to the ER! If mastitis isn't treated in the early stages it can progress incredibly quickly. If the infection festers too long it can require lengthy hospital stays and may necessitate draining the breast. This is as awful as it sounds. It is literally sticking a needle into your boob and draining out the infection. With no anesthetic! Ouch and yuck!

Hopefully thanks to a few home tricks it won't ever come to that!

Happy nursing!

trick: calendula wash.

There are so many herbal infusions that are handy when it comes to taking care of babies, but probably one of the most useful is calendula. You probably know it better as marigold; in fact it may even be growing in your garden!

There are many varieties out there, but the one most commonly used for medicinal purposes is Calendula officinalis, or pot marigold. It should be in every mama's herbal first aid kit for sure - homeopathic pills; dried for use in infusions and poultices; and in the form of lotions, creams or oils. It is ideal anytime there is inflammation of the skin, bleeding, an open wound, bruising, strains, minor burns & scalds, and fungal infections.

One of the easiest and most effective ways of using calendula is as a wash or rinse to help heal any irritation of the skin. Lately we've been using this in our household on the babes any time we see the first signs of a diaper rash coming on, as well as under the double chin when the "neck cheese" (as a friend so perfectly described it!) has been fermenting too long and starts to form a rash.

The steps are very simple.

Take a small handful of dried calendula.

Pour boiling water over it and let it steep 10 minutes.

Dip a clean cloth in the infusion and apply to wherever is needed. It does not need to be rinsed off afterwards.

The infusion can be strained and kept in a sterile container for a few days to be used on cuts and bruises, rashes and skin irritations - seriously this can help with almost anything external! It can also be used as an antibacterial face wash - really helpful for oily or acne prone skin. Or similarly can be sprayed or dabbed on the face after washing as a cleansing antibacterial toner. Likewise it could be kept in a spray bottle next to a changing station to help prevent diaper rash.

Discard once the liquid starts getting cloudy.


Dried calendula is easily found in herbal shops and is pretty inexpensive. A few local shops here in Seattle that I really love and highly recommend are Rainbow Natural Remedies in Capitol Hill (on 15th across from the QFC) and Dandelion Botanical Company in Ballard (on Ballard Ave).

It is also one of the easiest herbs to cultivate at home in your very own garden, although if you plan on drying the flowers yourself care must be taken that they dry completely without growing any mold. The flowers or just the petals can be collected any time from early summer through early fall. They can be used immediately or dried. Dry them in a well-ventilated area in the shade and check for any discoloration, which would suggest molding.


Happy herbing!

tip: lulling baby to sleep.

Lullabies are the best. Until you've been singing the same song over and over again for three hours, that is.Your baby loves the lullaby so much they just won't let themselves drift off.

After years and years of rocking my three younger sisters and all the babies in the neighborhood to sleep (I was an awesome and well-reputed babysitter, thankyouverymuch!), I learned a thing or two about getting babes to finally let themselves fall into a deep slumber.

A simple yet effective way to lull them into sleep is to progressively slow the tempo of the song and quiet the volume of your voice. By the end you should be singing so slow that it's hard to follow the words and so softly that it's just a bit above a whisper.

It works even better if you are tapping their back along in time with the music. As the tempo slows, the taps slow. Baby's breathing slows. They take a deep breath and...

...zzzzzz...

Sweet dreams!

trick: deepening a neck stretch.

It's Mother's Day! Which can be filled with incredible joy as the little (or big) ones you created and raised celebrate you and shower you with love. It can also be filled with the stress of having to take care of little rascals on "your" day, plus the added stress of any travel and/or visiting with relatives. It can be a really wonderful but reeeeaaaally long day.

Which is why here at the end of it, as your little ones are finally falling asleep and you are finally getting a quiet moment to yourself, you should take a few minutes for a deep breath and a deep stretch.

Here's how to deepen a neck stretch. It feels amazing and only takes a minute. Do it while you're waiting for the milk to heat up, the baby to fall asleep, the dryer to finish, the water to boil, the email to load. Do it as many times as you want because it feels incredible and helps give you enough of a mini-break to run back to their aid when they wake up and start crying and still feel rejuvenated.

Start by simply stretching your neck: tilt your head to one side, trying to bring your ear down to your shoulder instead of your shoulder up to your ear.

You can use your hand to deepen the stretch if you like. Stay here long enough to take three deep breaths. Enjoy it. Switch sides and take three deep breaths with your other ear reaching down toward your other shoulder.

Next give yourself a little ear massage. Press the lobe of your ear between your fingers and give it a good rub; rub all along the ear from the lobe up to the very top; swipe your index finger along the inside of your ear as if you were trying to wipe water out; and run your fingers along the crease behind your ear. You can do each ear separately or you can do them at the same time, whatever feels better to you. Just make sure they both get a thorough rub-down.

Now for the crazy part. Tilt your head back over to that same neck stretch you started out with. Your head should tilt way more this time! It feels amazing! And it works like a charm every single time.

Hope this helps add a little joy to the end of an already joyful day! Happy Every Day, mama!

tip: easy solid food clean-up.

We just recently started introducing solids for our babes and it's quite a learning experience for all of us. The babes have learned how tasty white rice and bananas and avocado can be while Papa and I have learned that one meager tablespoon of mush can somehow cover the entire living room by the end of a feeding!

We haven't quite figured out how to avoid rice dreadlocks or banana earwax, but we did come up with a way to avoid dealing with stains and to make clean-up a breeze.

It's quite simple, really.

Eat naked!

Owen getting ready for avocado time!

Well, okay, eat with just a diaper and a bib. This may sound intuitive and way too easy of an idea and maybe some of you already use this method, but after our first time just unvelcroing the bib and dunking them in the bath instead of trying to take off a completely saturated onesie without recoloring the whole bedroom avocado green I couldn't help thinking, "You are a genius!!!"

When they are a little older and able to really sit up on their own and as the weather gets warmer and warmer, we might even take eating solids outside once a day to get some vitamin D along with their yummy mush (and to make clean-up just that much easier)!

Bon appetit!

trick: getting baby to swallow.

I never in my life imagined I would need to know this trick, but it just so happened when Arlo was getting his tongue tie released that the doctor wanted to give him some baby Tylenol before the procedure and he wasn't having it. Why would he? He had only ever had breast milk up to this point and medicine is weird and sticky!

"Just blow on his face," the doctor said.

"Whaaa?"

I wasn't sure I had heard him correctly, but sure enough it made him swallow! It's a reflex babies have. It is effective and it is adorable.

Since that day we have used it to help them swallow gripe water, to help them swallow that last bit of milk left hanging out in their mouths, to help them swallow when they start coughing and to help them swallow when they are just tasting their first bit of solids but forget the next step. It works like a charm.

It is also an integral part of teaching a baby to swim. Before you dunk their head under the water, you first blow on their face and they suck in a huge breath and then hold it. We haven't tried it for that purpose yet, but we have given it a go for pure entertainment.

I would say that we're horrible and mean except that he loves it! Fun for the whole family! Like I said, pure entertainment!

i swear, when i have babies someday...

At some point in our lives we look at other parents - maybe our own, maybe our friends who have had children before us, maybe random people we see at the supermarket or the park with their kids in tow - and we start making a mental list of all the things we swear we will or won't do when we have children of our own someday.

And then we have kids and realize how hilariously naive we were pre-baby.

These are all things I actually said or thought before having a baby myself...

I will:

• Have the perfect birth experience; everything will go exactly as planned (so much so that I don't even really need a birth plan)
• Still have sex after I have kids
• Still have time to cook and never succumb to only eating frozen meals and take out
• Still shower every day and brush my hair and put on real clothes
• Still be as close with non-baby-having friends as I was before baby
• Fill out one of those Baby's First Whatever books every day and find time to write down every milestone no matter how small
• Lose all the baby weight super fast and be one of those hot new moms that everyone believes is the baby's sister or aunt or something
• Exclusively breastfeed for the first year (Yes, a whole year of only breast milk! Hey, that's how they do it in other parts of the world!! Why not me? Breastfeeding's a breeze, right?)
• Read baby Shakespeare while listening to classical music every day

I will never:

• Give my baby a pacifier
• Let having children get in the way of my relationship with my partner
• Be embarrassed or ashamed of breastfeeding in public
• Use a stroller (crazily enough, I still thought this one even after finding out I was having twins!)
• Leave my baby unattended, even for a second
• Use anything made of plastic
• Swear in front of my baby
• Be one of those moms who only talks about her baby 24/7
• Feel guilty about any choices I make as a parent
• Give my baby anything other than breast milk straight from my boob
• Give my baby formula
• Use disposable diapers
• Be on my phone texting or surfing the internet in front of my baby
• Prop a bottle up on a stuffed animal
• Be one of those crazy parents who doesn't vaccinate their child - how irresponsible!!!
• Vaccinate my child - those things are full of crazy chemicals!!!
• Drink a beer while breastfeeding (or glass of wine while pumping)
• Be one of those new moms whose blog/fb consists solely of updates about how baby drools or sleeps or rolls over and photo after photo of their baby drooling or sleeping or rolling over
• Get angry at my baby - it's just a little helpless baby!

Also:

• My baby will be a good baby that will never cry for no reason because I will be so in tune with him/her that I will always know what they need.
• Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you need a car; if I can't walk, bike or bus there, we don't need to go there.
• Everyone says having kids is the hardest thing ever but they are wimps; I was made to be a mommy and this will be a breeze.

I'm sure I will just keep adding to this list as my boys get older. Anyone else out there have any hilarious pre-baby notions of their own to add?

guilt.

I once read somewhere long ago, long before having children of my own, a story of a woman who had just had her first baby. She was still in the hospital when one of her best, albeit cynical friends came to congratulate her. She held up a glass of champagne and said something along the lines of, "Well, it's all worry and guilt from here on out. Cheers."

I remember thinking about what a terrible mentality that was, and assuring myself that someday when I finally had kids that I would never, ever let worry and guilt rule my life. I would make all the right choices, I told myself, and would have nothing to feel guilty about ever. (Along with a long list of other things I would do/never do when I became a parent.)

This is the part where, if you have kids, you are laughing hysterically at my naivety.

It turns out all the right choices aren't so easy to decipher. What might be right today might be horribly wrong tomorrow, or even a few minutes from now. What is wrong for your kid might be right for mine. Even what is right for one of my boys might not work out for the other. But that's ok. We do the very best we can and at the end of the day that's all that matters. Right?

Right?!!

Then why are we as new parents constantly plagued with guilt?

We are bombarded with information about how to best raise our children, from all angles and all sources. We are newborns ourselves, figuring out how to do the basics in this helping-a-new-human-thrive business and it is scary. We are vulnerable. We are often skeptical, but we are sleep deprived and haven't eaten because we were feeding our babies and haven't held our partner in our arms in weeks (see: months) because we were holding our babies close and so when someone tells us that they don't need naps or they do need naps every x hours or that they will get polio if they don't get vaccinated or that they will have grand mal seizures if they do, we listen. We listen because our children need our help and we don't have all the answers.

Right?

Before becoming a parent I was so sure of myself. I didn't care much what other people thought of my lifestyle and was confident that every choice I made was the right one. If I made mistakes along the way I knew that they were opportunities for growth and I would do my best not to repeat them. But taking care of a new little person, knowing that your choices don't affect just you anymore, but that every decision you make is quite literally influencing the rest of someone's entire life... It's a whole different story, and it leads to a lot of second guessing.

Maybe I'm being a tad over-dramatic. Today I bought my first container of formula. I haven't used it yet. I don't want to use it. It took me days of research to figure out what kind to buy, and that was after days of researching whether it would be better to start my boys on solids a little earlier than we'd liked or give in and start supplementing with formula. Now instead of praising myself for having made it almost five months exclusively breastfeeding two babies, I am sitting here with a tub of soy ice cream and cookies mourning my recent purchase because it feels like a little part of me has died. Instead of celebrating my accomplishments thus far, why do I feel like such a failure?

Because of guilt. Because I want to do the very best for my babies, even when it is impossible, and when it turns out in the end that I can't, I feel guilty. I feel inadequate. I feel like I can't even nourish my own babies by myself. I want to be the happy lady in the perfect picture of how to tandem feed twins, smiling like she's not worried they both will get enough milk. I want to be the mom who knows 100% that her decision was the right one.

The thing is we can never know 100%. There is always a chance our decisions won't work out in the end. But that's ok. It's up to us as new parents to weigh the risks and take the chances. Let's be honest. None of us really know what we are doing. We all spend most of our time in the dark, fumbling around bumping our way along towards hopefully figuring it out. We are bound to stumble from time to time. It's how we learn and grow as parents and as people.

So why do I feel so guilty?

Because I am a good parent and a good person. Because I am aware that my lifestyle influences the lives of other little people. Because I am aware that, like Newton said, to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction (usually from naive childless people like my old self) but I act anyway. Because I am aware that my decisions have consequences. Because I am worried about the future, when my babies are no longer babies but grown-up people, responsible for their own actions.

A little worry and guilt every now and then is healthy; it keeps us in check, keeps us asking questions about the decisions we make - and we should be asking questions. We should be looking for second opinions. We should be second guessing, and sometimes third guessing. We're taking care of someone else's life for goodness sake! It means we love our babies enough to ensure they are truly thriving.

And that is why at the end of the day, I will still welcome those cumbersome old cynical best friends of parenthood - worry and guilt, into my room to help celebrate whatever milestone comes next. In fact, if I wasn't hooked up to the breast pump as I write this, I'd raise up a glass of champagne and toast the old broads right now for always keeping me on my toes.

Cheers.

twice the love.

A friend of a friend recently found out she is pregnant with twins, and I was asked for advice. I am far from an expert. I am just doing the best I can, and I don't know any better. But there are a few things I wish I had heard before giving birth, and there are a few things I did hear that any woman who is pregnant with twins should hear.

This just my two cents. Any and all mamas of multiples, please add to this rambly list any sage words of wisdom of your own.



Just breathe. It seems like a lot - it is. Get over it. Have your freak out and then don't focus too much on it because too much thinking is overwhelming.

Start making lists, and get everything you'd like to get done in the next five years done before 30 weeks. You will not have time for anything other than babies when they are here, and after 30 weeks you will be comically huge, making cleaning and driving and other daily tasks hard to do.

Just because you are pregnant with twins doesn't automatically mean you have a high risk pregnancy. Birth is messy, and twice the babies can mean twice the messiness, but also twice as many heartbeats and kicks and hiccups. Enjoy it- you will probably never be pregnant with twins ever again!

Eat. Eat eat eat while you can. Because once they come out you will need to eat even more to keep your milk supply up, but you won't have time to eat, so eat now. And drink. At least a gallon a day, MINIMUM! Stay active. Twice the babies to push out means you need to be twice as strong. You can do it!

They say the first one paves the way and the second one just falls out. In my case, pretty damn close to the truth.

Try as hard as you can to push for a vaginal birth. It is amazing to be able to know you have pushed two people out of you all by yourself.

Delegate in advance. You will need someone with you at ALL times 24/7 for at least the first month, optimally six weeks. This is not an exaggeration. Line up family and friends, set up a care calendar, and delegate someone other than you to manage it after the babies are here. Let them prepare meals, do laundry, clean up stuff. Whenever you can, delegate.

Do not be afraid to ask for help. If you don't tell people what you need, they can't offer assistance. People WANT to help you. Let them.

Have a lactation specialist lined up before you give birth to help you immediately. Breast feeding is hard work, more than doubly so with two. But it is also more than doubly rewarding. It is not impossible to exclusively breast feed twins, but you need to be dedicated. Surround yourself with people who support you. If you can get it down from the start it is waaaay easier and less time consuming than preparing bottles all the time. Tandem feeding seems impossible at first - it's not. It is possible and it is freaking amazing. We have two boobs for a reason.

Do what works for you. Take advice with a grain if salt, especially from singleton parents. All babies are different, and all combos of twins are different. What might work for my boys might not work for yours and that's ok. You'll figure it out. That's what moms do.

Invest in a hospital-grade electric breast pump. You will need it. The Medela Symphony is a pretty standard choice. You can rent them, too. And get a pumping bra. Being able to pump with your hands free is essential with two babies to take care of. It looks freaky, but trust me. You will use it every day.

My boys are only four months so I'm still in the thick of it, but I have been told the first year is hell, but then it's way easier with two because they always have someone to keep them company. I can already see this. Trying to soothe two crying babies is incredibly stressful, but hearing two babies giggle, seeing two babies look at each other and babble and hold hands is the most precious thing ever. Twins are a very very special thing. Not everyone gets to experience it. Embrace it.

Your babies will always have someone rooting for them. They will always have someone looking out for them. They have a best friend from birth, from before birth! They have something that not a lot of people have and you gave it to them. One of my best friends is a twin and she told me by giving them each other I am giving them the best gift a mother can give. Be proud.

The absolute best piece of advice I received, which I wish I had really followed: spend as much time with your partner now, while the babies are safe and sound and quietly snuggled up inside you. Once they're here you and your partner will both always have a baby in your arms. The first few months all communication will revolve around babies so talk about other things now. Go out to eat, make out, watch movies, take walks just the two of you holding hands instead of a stroller, say "I love you" and mean it, do absolutely nothing, go to the zoo, cuddle and HAVE SEX! As much sex as you possibly can. Seriously.

Don't always put them in matching outfits. Encourage them to be their own person. But sometimes do put them in matching outfits. They are twins - encourage them to enjoy it. Plus it is adorable.

Some days you will feel like you love one more than the other. You don't. But it's ok to feel that way.

Some days they will feel like they love you or your partner more than the other. They don't. But it's ok for them to feel that way.

The most comforting words came from two different people right after we found out (at 21 weeks!!!). One told me she believed we choose our biggest challenges in life before we are born and that I must be a very strong woman for having chosen twins. I'm not sure I believe I chose this per se, but I do believe life doesn't ever give us more than we can handle, even if it sometimes seems that way. We always manage to rise to the occasion.

The second person was from Ghana. He told me where he comes from they say God takes a long look at your heart before you become pregnant. He said I must have an incredibly good heart to be blessed with two babies at once. I'm not religious, but I'd like to hope he was right.

Your heart will grow two sizes too big every damn day. Sometimes it will feel like too much love, and you will cry. Sometimes they will cry and you won't be able to figure out what's wrong and your heart will fall crooked, and it will feel like too much hurt, and you will cry. Don't worry, you will wake up the next morning (ok, at 3am, and then again at 5 and finally 6:30) and it will be right again, swollen a little bigger with love and pulsing strong in your chest. It will feel like too much love again, and you will cry. It seems like a lot - it is. Just breathe.

Trust your body. Trust your babies. Have faith in the universe. You are the exact right parent for these two new little people, and you can do this. And you will.

Welcome to the club. ;)