happy days.

I have always loved lists, from grocery to bucket, but especially ones that motivate me to do things that push me out of my comfort zone, out of my city or state or country, out of the norm, out of a funk, just out. (In fact, I'm in the middle of another list right now, one that has already helped me significantly with all the stuff you're about to read about below.)

I'd heard a bit about this 100 happy days business, but honestly, I haven't ever been the best at social media (or social, in general, as many of my close friends can attest to). Posting a pic a day? Yeah, right. Generally my days fly by without me even realizing it. I'm lucky if I can pee once a day, let alone take a decent picture and post it.

I'm getting better. I'm working on awareness, on being in the moment, on patience, on slowing down, but I still have a long way to go.

Anyway, I was looking into this happy days stuff a couple of days ago and considered starting sometime soon, and then another damn tragedy hit our family of four. In the past 19 months:

• I have had our car broken into and my purse (including wallet, check book, phone, insurance cards, a super adorable polaroid of my hubby & me super pregnant in the park) stolen the night before my babies were born (and three credit cards used within an hour);
• I have had fraternal twin boys;
• I have had an incredibly and insanely dramatic, traumatic, and complicated birth;
• I have had one of my sons in the hospital for almost a month;
• I have had doctors tell me my son was going to die, was never going to breathe on his own, never take a bottle, never nurse, never crawl, never walk, never talk, never be functional, never be normal;
• I have had mastitis three times, including one five-day hospitalization;
• I have had a severely torn external sphincter and anal canal as a result of said hospitalization (it took nine months to heal; and a warning - that link is to a pretty graphic post);
• I have had my position as a French teacher in a before school enrichment program canceled when they decided to no longer teach French;
• I have had our car die, completely die beyond repair;
• I have moved into my mom's basement with my husband and two children, under the same roof as my mom, my grandparents, my mom's dog, and our two cats;
• I have been diagnosed with postpartum depression and post traumatic stress syndrome as a result of our crazy birth;
  
  and then two days ago,
• I have had our bad-ass cat, Tippen (a present from a friend for our marriage, our original baby, who moved back to the States with us from France), get in an accident and have to have a leg amputated.

To say the past 19 months have been hard would be the understatement of the century. I need me some happy, damnit! So here I go. My hope is that knowing I'll be documenting a happy moment sometime during each day will help me see all the little happy moments, resulting in a better appreciation of every moment of every day. It reminds me of a task I set about doing years ago that brought increased focus on intention at the start of each day and consequently seriously elevated my happiness level. This time I get to share that happiness with you through a photo, and photography has been a passion of mine for a very long time. Win for everyone.

I'll post my 100 happy days here and sometimes might write a little blurb about what's going on or why or how I'm feeling. Feel free to follow on instagram or twitter or tumblr or pinterest, too, and look out for #madameishappy. (I'm trying to get better at media, I promise!)

I know I have a ways to go, but I've recently climbed out of the darkness and some day in the future I'm going to be completely, unconditionally, sublimely happy, damnit!!! <3