And then we have kids and realize how hilariously naive we were pre-baby.
These are all things I actually said or thought before having a baby myself...
- Have the perfect birth experience; everything will go exactly as planned (so much so that I don't even really need a birth plan)
- Still have sex after I have kids
- Still have time to cook and never succumb to only eating frozen meals and take out
- Still shower every day and brush my hair and put on real clothes
- Still be as close with non-baby-having friends as I was before baby
- Fill out one of those Baby's First Whatever books every day and find time to write down every milestone no matter how small
- Lose all the baby weight super fast and be one of those hot new moms that everyone believes is the baby's sister or aunt or something
- Exclusively breastfeed for the first year (Yes, a whole year of only breast milk! Hey, that's how they do it in other parts of the world!! Why not me? Breastfeeding's a breeze, right?)
- Read baby Shakespeare while listening to classical music every day
I will never:
- Give my baby a pacifier
- Let having children get in the way of my relationship with my partner
- Be embarrassed or ashamed of breastfeeding in public
- Use a stroller (crazily enough, I still thought this one even after finding out I was having twins!)
- Leave my baby unattended, even for a second
- Use anything made of plastic
- Swear in front of my baby
- Be one of those moms who only talks about her baby 24/7
- Feel guilty about any choices I make as a parent
- Give my baby anything other than breast milk straight from my boob
- Give my baby formula
- Use disposable diapers
- Be on my phone texting or surfing the internet in front of my baby
- Prop a bottle up on a stuffed animal
- Be one of those crazy parents who doesn't vaccinate their child - how irresponsible!!!
- Vaccinate my child - those things are full of crazy chemicals!!!
- Drink a beer while breastfeeding (or glass of wine while pumping)
- Be one of those new moms whose blog/fb consists solely of updates about how baby drools or sleeps or rolls over and photo after photo of their baby drooling or sleeping or rolling over
- Get angry at my baby - it's just a little helpless baby!
- My baby will be a good baby that will never cry for no reason because I will be so in tune with him/her that I will always know what they need.
- Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you need a car; if I can't walk, bike or bus there, we don't need to go there.
- Everyone says having kids is the hardest thing ever but they are wimps; I was made to be a mommy and this will be a breeze.
I'm sure I will just keep adding to this list as my boys get older. Anyone else out there have any hilarious pre-baby notions of their own to add?